In India, our love language is…
The myriad & unique ways Indians express love
There are no two ways about it — love is inescapable. No matter how strong or independent, everybody could do with a little bit of lovin’. As a quote by C.S. Lewis aptly says, “The only place outside heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”
But every person does not have the same way of expressing love. At least not us desis.
The British ruled India for nearly 200 years, and this is one of the less-talked about exports that they left behind: maintaining a stiff upper lip and not letting out your innermost feelings of love. As babies, we are showered with incessant love, cuddles, hugs and kisses. But somewhere along the line, these sweet and simple ways of showing of love diminish to a negligible rate. Multiple kisses every day decrease to just one kiss, then just one hug, and so forth. Even our parents — people who are most integral to every Indian’s life — struggle to show how much they love us.
We, as adults, then engrain this suppression of love into our DNA. Why is it that we are okay to fight in public, but not say the ‘three magic words’ in front of everyone? There’s no doubt that the love is there. Indians believe in keeping their love private. This is not to say that we desis don’t feel the most ubiquitous emotion in the world — it’s just that the ways of expressing it are a little hatke (unique) for us.
These gestures (mentioned below) may not come to mind when you typically think of someone liking or loving you. These are far from the romantic film expressions of love. But in the Indians’ dictionary, they all translate into the same feeling. Whether through food, or via our actions; we show our love, but a little differently. Because ultimately, actions speak louder than words.
Here are some ways in which Indians express their love…
1. Cutting fruits and serving: Remember the last time someone peeled a pomegranate and painstakingly shelled it for you? That’s a great way to show you care someone and want to feed them right.
2. Introducing to family: Family is undoubtedly a pivotal part of any Indian’s social equation. So if his or her family knows about you, that’s a great way to show that they care.
3. Taking care of the sick: Living and surviving by yourself is fine, untill the day you fall sick and are left to fend for yourself. That’s when you’ll notice some people taking extra care of you. It’s an act of love, no doubt!
4. Making favourite dishes: Do you notice someone going the extra mile to cook what you really love? Be it your favourite halwa or your most-loved parathas — they will happily whip it up. That’s a real sign that they love you.
5. Concern for your parents: Caring about their own family and social circle is one thing. But if you notice them expressing concern for your parents, caring for them during their sickness, it’s a sure shot green flag!
6. Noticing your moods: When you suddenly stop speaking to them, when there’s something bothering you, they are bound to notice. You may fool the world into believing you’re okay, but you can’t fool them!
7. Observing your foibles: They notice and observe little things about you that even you might not have noticed! They can probably make out an accurate imitation of your pet dialogues, funny expressions and more.
8. Communicating without words: Sometimes, you don’t even need words to communicate with them. Just gestures or eye contact is enough to say just exactly what you need to.
What are the ways you can tell if someone loves you? Tell me your thoughts in the comments below.
Check out Aditi Ahuja for much such stories and ponderings.
