A beginner’s guide to dating apps
9 ways to make dating apps work for you
Finding a partner through dating apps is no longer a novelty. Gone are the days when we would wait for a handsome stranger to walk up to us in the bar and offer to buy us a drink. When someone beautiful would bump into us in the middle of a busy street and make extensive eye contact and make us fall instantly in love. When we would write love notes to our childhood sweethearts and end up marrying them. It’s now a rarity to get introduced to a prospective partner through family or friends as we go about our busy, isolated lives. The traditional, textbook ideas of romance are being rewritten, so why shouldn’t the ways of finding a partner be reimagined too?
In the modern world where opportunities to socialise are quite limited, people are largely turning online to find a date. And dating apps have actually broken down the complexity of this seemingly overwhelming task. As per a survey by Pew Research, about four-in-ten U.S. adults overall (42%) say online dating made searching for a long-term partner easier. Further, as per 2022 research, in the previous two years, more than one-third (39%) of people on Bumble have ended a marriage or a serious relationship.
As someone who found her partner on a dating app, I can confidently say that you can definitely make dating apps work for you. They aren’t rocket science and they do result in success stories. That it takes a lot of hard work, effort and motivation is a given, but the results do come eventually. That it seems frivolous and may lead to ephemeral connections and minor frustrations is a drawback, but if you try only then shall you succeed.
In this blog, I’ll give you some ways to make dating apps work for you. What to expect, what not to do — the entire modus operandi I’ve followed, will be at your fingertips and hopefully help you navigate the rocky terrain of modern-day love.
1. Sparks won’t fly instantly
The expectation of connections to develop instantly over a phone screen is quite unjust. Let me just tell you — there won’t be a ‘Eureka’ moment in your initial conversations with someone. You’d be very lucky if there were. A romantic connection develops slowly, just like a simmering meat broth. The longer you let it brew, the more flavour it will get. So give it time.
2. Appearances can be deceptive
One of the worst things you can do on a dating app is go by a person’s looks. In other words, using outward appearances to gauge your feelings towards a person. If you find a cringey mirror selfie or a strange picture on a person’s profile, you may tend to get turned off. Yes, attraction is an important factor but it’s one of many facets of a person. On dating apps, one drawback is that people use older pictures where they are slimmer, younger versions of themselves. Then, when you meet them, you are in for a rude shock. So, simply dart cursory glances on the person’s images and do read the bio for a more realistic picture.
3. No bio — no scope
Having a good dating app bio true to yourself is recommended. And when you see a profile with no bio, it’s an immediate red flag. Not having a bio mostly means a fake profile, or someone who is not invested enough in the efforts of finding a partner. A person who is committed to the exercise would surely take out time to write a line or two about themselves. These days, dating apps offer witty prompts that you can answer in a line or two. Not even doing that much is a strict no-no.
4. Don’t sweat the small things
Sometimes, we tend to exaggerate a person’s flaws more than necessary. For example, I found bad grammar and typos to be a big turn off in a conversation on a dating app. However, I found that if I let go of a few typing mistakes, I may actually be talking to a genuine person who is perfect for me. So, don’t sweat the small things and give him or her a chance!
5. Don’t be afraid to back off
At any point, if you ever feel that your prospective date is making you uncomfortable — whether through the chats, calls, messages, emails or even in person — don’t hesitate to back off. Trust your instincts in this regard, and simply say no before you get yourself in a compromising situation. As they say, better safe than sorry!
6. Share your details later
Another simple measure in view of your safety is to share personal details only at a later stage. Whether it is your phone number, your home address or your bank details, it’s important to keep these details private till you have gained trust in the person. This is not just helpful for your personal safety and security, but also to avoid falling prey to any scams. If you encounter some hesitation from the other person while setting these boundaries and this turns out to be a deal-breaker, you know you have to run for your life!
7. Gauge the person, in person
Yes, online conversations are what get the ball rolling on dating apps but ultimately what counts is how well you connect in person. I have noticed several people presenting vivacious personalities online, but in real life, they are shy and reclusive. If you feel like you need to talk and get to know each other online before meeting in person, by all means go for it. But make a decision about him or her only after you meet personally. (in a public place, of course!)
8. Effort matters. Really matters
Ultimately, relationships are a two-way street and efforts must be made by both parties to meet, interact and make the bond go stronger. If you ever feel like you are the only one reaching out while the other person is constantly disinterested, it could be a red flag. But if the person is genuinely interested in being with you and wants your company, he or she will make efforts 100% to put their thoughts into action.
9. Get off the app, ASAP
One of the unsaid rules of dating apps are that you just get on them to get off them. So, if things are clicking with a person you met on a dating app, make your intentions known and get off the app. You’ll be exclusive to each other AND you’ll no longer be pressured to keep up the conversations with people who you matched with previously. It’s a win-win situation.
